I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
