When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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