Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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