Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
