i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
