GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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