Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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