I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
