She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
