Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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