I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
