Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
