This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
