Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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