the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
