you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
