You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
