I think my fart just growled at me.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
And then he peed in my hair
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