"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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