look no pants
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
