Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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