everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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