Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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