i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
