Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
