There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
