p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
