So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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