i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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