btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
