Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
