so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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