it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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