whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
