Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
