Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
