dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So much Jack, so little girl.
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