...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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