If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
