my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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