Dual....:-)
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
