Yo dont text me then not text me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
