saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
