My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
