nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
