Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
