i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
