oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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