This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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