Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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