it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
