she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think i got beer on your cat.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
