I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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