covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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