if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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